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Top Funny Love Quotes For Couples
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz
Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb
I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz
Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.
Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly
Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner
According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.
If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.
Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.
My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’
It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein
Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar
I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans
The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen
If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis
My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.
Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.
I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.
During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. Now, all the kids talk about are sex, relationship and heartbreak.
Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.
Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.
Best Funny Love Quotes And Sayings
A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.
Anonymous
I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
Jean Illsley Clarke
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.
Francois de la Rochefoucauld
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
Pauline Thomason
Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.
Helen Gurley Brown
I had a dream that i still loved you…I think I woke up screaming.
Christine
Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills.
Jessica Martin
It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
Lucille Ball
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears
Les Dawson
People should fall in love with their eyes closed.
Andy Warhol
If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.
Chelsea Peretti
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Steven Wright
My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.
unknown
If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.
J.A. Redmerski
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Crawford
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
Top Cute Funny Love Quotes
After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.
Anonymous
If there’s no love in the world,… let’s make some.
Anonymous
We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
Anonymous
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Albert Einstein
When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
Anonymous
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
Anonymous
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
I slipped on a banana peel and I fell in love with the person who helped me up.
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
Anonymous
I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
Anonymous
Funny Relationship Quotes
„My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.“
Rodney Dangerfield
„Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.“
Nora Ephron
„Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.“
Chelsea Handler
„True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.“
Mindy Kaling
„If love is the answer, could you rephrase the questions?“
Lily Tomlin
„Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?“
Groucho Marx
„Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.“
Bob Ettinger
„If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.“
Chelsea Peretti
„If we take matrimony at its lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognized by the police.“
Robert Louis Stevenson
„Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.“
Richard Jeni
„Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think— in a deeper voice.“
Bill Cosby
„When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.“
Richard Lewis
„An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.“
Agatha Christie
„Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.“
Phyllis Diller
„Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.“
George Burns
„Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprise at the large number that re-enlist.“
James Garner
Top Funny Love Quotes For Her From The Heart
Thank goodness my heart has four parts, otherwise I don’t know where I’d keep all my love for you!
You have the key to my heart, please don’t make any copies!
My heart skips a beat when I see others in love, but it gallops when I think of you.
I wore my heart on my sleeve, so you took it; you can keep the heart, but can I have my sleeve back?
Thanks for always seeing that the fullness of my heart far outweighs the fullness of my bra.
If you turn a heart upside-down, it looks like conjoined twin raindrops; that’s how I feel when I’m with you.
Best Cute Funny Love Quotes For Him
Falling in love with you sure beats the other falls I had today!
You’re basically the cutest thing I’ve ever loved, after my kitten.
What’s more adorable than a baby panda snuggling a baby chick? Our love.
If our love were a triangle, it’d be a-cute one!
If you checked with your doctor, I bet he’d say you’ve got a bad case of being loveable.
You’re adorable because I’m able to adore you.
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